Growing up, many of us dreamed of being the center of attention. Especially if we weren’t the most popular kids in school. Back then, the mere idea of other people wanting to know all the details of your life had such an appeal to it… didn’t it? And heck, maybe it still does. Well, flash forward to now. Your a rising influencer, Model, singer, actress, porn star, artist , or maybe just a pretty looking girl… and people love you for it! Things are going great, That is… until you get one bad egg in the bunch.
According to National averages, nearly 7.5 million people in the United States are stalked each year. And out of that average, nearly 61% of those being prowled… are you guessed it, women.Now, before we pack our bags and book a one way ticket to the Bermuda Triangle, it’s important to first know the difference between a loving Fan and a psychotic Stalker. But what is a fan? A Fan is a supporter of you or your cause, a friend, or perhaps is kin or family to you, I know my fans are. A fan is a person who knows and respects your boundaries. Who only loves and wants to see the best for you, a fan sends flattering, kind messages to lift your spirits. Makes jokes with you. And enjoys the light you bring to their world. A fan will never disrespect you for not responding or dating them. A fan knows they are a loving supporter and in turn a friend to you.
On the other hand, a stalker fits a far more intense, negative criteria. First and foremost, A Stalker is Someone with serious boundary issues. The word “boundary” to a stalker does not fit in their vocabulary. In fact, it isn’t in there at all. And by that, I mean they may start off as a fan, or a friend… but over time they’ll begin to show their true colors.
RED FLAG #1: Controlling Behavior.
This is typically the first negative trait exhibited by a stalker. They may start out telling you what to do on with your social media profiles, or perhaps telling you what to do in real life. This may include what to wear, what to post or what not to post . This is the stalkers first attempt at trying to exhibit control over your life. My rule, if they didn’t pay for it Onlyfans… They have absolutely no dictation over what the heck I’m doing on social media.
RED FLAG #2 : Hostility
They may get angry if you don’t respond to their messages, they may start demanding you spend time with them, or do things for them. They treat you and your time more as objects of their possession rather than a cherished moment. At first, they may come off as sweet or flattering, but over time, if you notice them throwing tantrums like a broke kid in a candy store when things don’t go their way. It may be time to limit contact.
RED FLAG #3: Narcissistic Traits.
What is a narcissist after all? Well I’ll tell you. Psychologically, a narcissist is someone that has an over inflated view of themselves. And an under inflated view of you… and anyone else for that matter. They may think they’re the greatest thing since sliced bread or perhaps, “The Big Mac” . Narcissists come into the world thinking the world owes them something. Rather than, I must earn something. Narcissists also hate loosing because it deflates their tender egos. Narcissists also hold a strong set of values that they believe most people should adhere to as well. If they hate the NE Patriots.. well Gosh Darn it.. you should too. If they hate it when girls where striped underwear, well you bet your sweet ass won’t be in a pair around them. Many narcissists are also known to have poor senses of impulse control. Leading many to lead lives of domestic violence, substance abuse or crime. Narcissists can change however, I’ve seen it happen in the past surprisingly. But most of the time they show no remorse for their wayward actions and see their wrongdoings as humorous or even worse… accomplishments.
RED FLAG #4: Actual Stalking
Warning sign number four you ask? Well that’s just good old fashioned stalking. In my career as a Model / actress / artist I’ve had a handful of stalkers, 7+ all exhibiting the same traits. I guess you can say I’ve had my fair share of them. Perhaps I’m a magnet eh? Now, in the past I’ve had to do simple things like blocking calls or instagrams, but typically that doesn’t work on a stalker. After all they will just call you from another line or make a fake account and try to contact you that way. There have been times I had to change my number 2x in a row just to make sure they couldn’t make contact with me. Well, that didn’t stop them from showing up in my backyard or on my doorstep. So, I installed video cameras and started a filing cabinet full of past and present stalkers names and background information to share with family members of the local police department. I have also been cyber stalked in the past and it remains an ongoing issue. ⚠️ WARNING ⚠️ IF A STALKER FEELS REJECTED / WRONGED BY YOU HE WILL SEEK REVENGE OR AN ANIMOSITY WILL GROW. This animosity may last for days, weeks, months or even years beyond you ending contact with them. This is when their unhealthy obsessions can become dangerous!!
RED FLAG #5 Playing Nice then Turn Right back into The Bad Guy Again
Stalkers are master manipulators. They love to look like the “Good Guy” and love making people feel sorry for them, then turning around and trying to play “King of the World” again. This is mainly in part to them not seeing you as a person but as an object of their desire. Oh and they also think your’re stupid and have a lower IQ than them. Most have “Hero Complexes” so in thier story, your the Louis Lane that needs saving. Believe me when I say this, that in the past, I’ve had stalkers with no high school diplomas think they had the brains of Sir Isaac Newton, or the whit of Jerry Seinfeld. In their mind… they are a Godsend for you.
RED FLAG #6 DELUSIONAL
*DISCLAIMER: THIS PERSON MAY BE EXHIBIT OTHER SIGNS OR NONE AT ALL. BEWARE OF THIS RED FLAG THE MOST!
Delusional stalkers are plainly and simply put obsessed. Like the “angry stalker” they are on the hunt but to be honest you never really know what for. For example a man shows up and John Lennon’s house in London and asked the Beatle for his autograph. Lennon, being the awesome guy he was gave it to him no problem. Then, when he came back later that the man was still there and instead of attempting to get another autograph… he shot him dead. Low and behold they discovered his actual motive in the entire scheme of things was to be known as the man who shot John Lennon, and that God told him to do it for months. Creepy enough for you yet? Any-who, I’m sure you get the picture. Any sign of delusional talk. No contact or even better, just end contact all together.
Now, With That Being Said… Here are some POSITIVE WAYS to protect yourself from Stalkers
INSTALL SECURITY CAMERAS AT YOUR HOME. These are absolutely amazing. I have Arlo brand cameras, they work great and you can pick them up at your local Fry’s or Home Depot. Second, try to get a name and photo (if you can) of your stalker and let friends, coworkers and family members know of them. Now I like to pride myself on looking at everything with rose colored glasses, but just in case those roses come up thorns… you have a suspect of probable cause known. ( Remember This is absolute worst case scenario remember So don’t get paranoid!)
Carry Pepper Spray. Pepper spray is an affordable great way of self defense for a female. Mine was 10$ from Walmart and I absolutely love the sense of security it brings me. I take it hiking or whenever I’m out and about. If its nighttime and your walking in to an unknown or dark area, just take it out of your purse and hold it in your hand until you make it safely to your vehicle. Old Boot camp phrase I learned from Sea Cadets, “Stay alert! Stay Alive!”
Lastly, never tag yourself exactly where you are. Always keep your location a mystery and post later. If not you may just get some unexpected company… you didn’t see coming!
PS . IF ANY OF YOU LADIES EVER NEED ME TO BACKGROUND CHECK ANYONE SUSPICIOUS TO YOU PLEASE MSG ME ON INSTAGRAM OR EMAIL ME. I will do this as a service to you FOR FREE!!! Love you ladies! #prosperqueens
Stay safe out there ladies! And Many blessings !