Recently, many of you are noticing several changes to my social media accounts and i’m here to let you know, do not be alarmed; I am OK! Six months ago, if someone were to ask me, “Would you ever consider making music?” I would have responded, “No.” But, since then, things have changed.
My plan for this year, was to simply finish my Poetry book, continue posting to this blog, and get into as many magazines as possible. But as time went on… I began having a lot of realizations about life, the industry itself, and ultimately, what direction I want to go. Below, are the top three reasons on to why I’m making this progressive change.
1. Feelings of Being Overshadowed by My Photos.
I admit, being a model is fun, glamorous and rewarding; however, recently… I’ve felt a war inside me… I feel my art and talents are living in the shadows of my photographs. Its painful.. Sometimes I get really discouraged about it, and just want to delete everything off my page and just run insta stories. Don’t get me wrong though, I love creating beautiful photos, but sometimes I look at my photographs and wonder… would everyone leave if I stopped posting pictures like this? I think about it a lot these days.. And still don’t want to know the answer.. Sometimes.. Ill be up late at night, and look at singers like Eminem and Halsey. I see they don’t need to post sexy photos to get heard.. Their art speaks for itself. It helps people and they are remembered for it.. I respect that. And whenever I get hate from someone saying “I show off my body to get heard”. I respect what they have to say, but I also wish they knew how hard it was just to get people to listen to them. Sometimes I feel muted no matter what I do.
2. I don’t really like talking about it, but parts of my life have been troubled…
Life for me has always felt like a series of peaks and valleys.. I’ve had some victories… but have also been defeated in more ways than one. Some defeats I have not recovered from.
I’ve gotten myself into many dangerous situations, I don’t want to get too deep into it.. but I’ve dealt with issues that I think are best expressed musically. There’s been alcohol issues, identity issues , and ultimately making really bad.. poorly thought out choices.. one leading to sexual assault; the other almost being killed by a man I didn’t know and should not have been with. It still scary to me.. music and poetry have helped out a lot when dealing with these feelings whenever I remember them.
3. I really want to help people and don’t know how.
I have said it before, if I did not model or sell insurance, I would want to work at a hospice. I would want to make sure that people in their final days got the best care from me, whoever they were. With music… I can try to help people as many people as possible and just maybe they’ll listen.
So there they are. the top three reasons on to why I’m making this transition into music. I hope you enjoyed this personal blog post. Please let me know in the comments what you think.
Peace love and many blessings!